i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
