after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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