He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
did i walk over a car last night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
