yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
