how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
