why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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