I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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