Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
