My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Im part way to drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
