He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize