you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
