before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
