I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
