u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
