If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just cropdusted the office
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
