And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
