I heard we made out
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
