opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
