please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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