Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
