My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
