I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
