Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
