I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
