i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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