I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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