Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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