Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
