i think my mom watched the whole time
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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