Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
