I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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