If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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