I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
