they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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