i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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