I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
