if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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