Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
