She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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