Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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