i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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