Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
