Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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