Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
