yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
