he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
