Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
