i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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