Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are the jesus of drinking
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
