sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there is glitter all over my balls
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