Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
