I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
