He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
