if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
