I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
