yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
