Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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