Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
