so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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