she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
