You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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