If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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