when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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