you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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