i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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