i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
