Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
