I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
