Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
