please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
