My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
