so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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