How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
