The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
