i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too high and old for this...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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