i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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