I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
