Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
