I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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