Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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