I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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